… And here I am, where I can’t hear anything after the fever I had. The world to me was so noisy and horrible with all the noises that you would hear every day: the cars’ horns, your wife nagging, the shitty boredom killing box called the TV, everything… but now I miss these voices, these noises. The world is now as frightening as a calm ocean, where you can hear nothing, when a great danger is approaching you without you feeling it.
I miss the sound that the shoes would make when people walk on a side walk. You would feel that there are people around you and that you belong to a society, but now even if I can see these people, I feel as if I’m in a big sea of nothingness –by my own. Emptiness is filling everything. I feel that there’s no life in anything –I just can’t feel it anymore- and there is nothing that can interrupt my brain from its continuous babbly thinking, and it has became very annoying. This must end. I feel totally isolated from the world in my little box of endless thinking where the only voice I can hear is mine –Inside my head.
I think that being deaf since birth is easier than losing hearing at an old age. People that never heard anything ever, can’t even comprehend the concept of “sound” and thus, they don’t know the grace that they never had, while people like me have heard the greatest music in the world, and the loudest laughs ever, but I can’t imagine how I will only listen to these musical masterpieces inside my head!
We only value the things we have when we lose them, but if you never had this grace, how will you be able to value it?
The Man that can no longer hear.